is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
