i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
