very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
