there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
