So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
