O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
