so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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