There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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