Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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