I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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