glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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