Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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