mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
