Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pants are for mortals
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
