Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
