you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
