You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
