yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
