Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
