you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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