is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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