omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
