we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
