i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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