I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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