we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
