I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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