4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
