I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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