we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
