thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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