naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
