just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
