New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so let's talk penis.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
