4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
