but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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