I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
