Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
