just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
