I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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