How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
