so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize