Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
