is your mom at the bar?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
