I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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