3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
North Korea, Best Korea!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
