all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
