remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
