I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
