he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Houston, we have a blender
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have tasted many bathrooms
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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