i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
