my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
