she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
