Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
