I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
