It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
