i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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