'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize