I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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