Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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