Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
