Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
