when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
