She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize